7/25/12 Chatterbox
Betty Kaiser
“…All I know is what
I read in the papers
and that’s an alibi
for my ignorance”
Will Rogers
I am a big Will Rogers fan. Although he died before I was
born, he was somewhat of a hero in my family. One of the reasons being that he
and my dad shared diluted Cherokee roots and had the same down-to-earth
political philosophies. They both had an ‘ah-shucks’ demeanor and a dry sense
of humor that would take the edge off any controversial subject from the media
to politics or religion.
Rogers was born in 1879 in Oologah, Indian Territory (now
known as Oklahoma). My dad, however, was born in Missouri (pronounced
Missourah) at the turn of the 20th century. But he always considered
himself an Okie like Rogers and never forgot his roots—both were practical,
intelligent men of honor and good will. As a man in the business world, my
dad’s word was gold.
Rogers became a world famous figure, respected for his
humorous truths. He was adored by the American people and known as Oklahoma’s
favorite son. His career as a humorist, columnist and radio personality evolved
from humble beginnings. As a boy he loved horses and wanted to be a cowboy so
he learned to use a rope and lariat. For a time, he and a friend worked as
gauchos in Argentina until he became a trick roper with “Texas Jack’s Wild West
Circus.”
From there, he moved into vaudeville. Eventually he was
discovered by Hollywood and made 48 silent movies before appearing in dozens of
feature films. He even has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. An avid
newspaper reader, he later toured the country’s lecture circuit and the New
York Times syndicated his weekly newspaper column from 1922-35. During that
time he also traveled the world, dabbled in politics, wrote books and became a
radio broadcaster.
Sadly, Rogers died at the age of 55 on August 15, 1935. He
was in a small airplane with aviator Wiley Post, when it crashed as they
returned from Alaska. Aviation was in its infancy and Post was surveying a
mail-passenger air route to Russia. Rogers was in search of new material for
his newspaper column. Fortunately, his humor remains as relevant as if it were
written yesterday.
So on this summer day as we near the anniversary of his
death, I’m going to let Will Rogers take over my column. Sit back and enjoy the
common sense of an Oakie who influenced common folks, people in high places,
clergy and politicians. Nearly 77 years after his death, Rogers’ wisdom and
witticisms still apply. Here’s Will!
"There
are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn
by reading.
The few who learn by
observation.
The rest of them
have to touch an electric fence."
“I read
about eight newspapers in a day. When I’m in a town with only one newspaper, I
read it eight times.”
“If there
are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
"Lettin'
the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than puttin' it back in."
'The
only problem with Boy Scouts is, there aren't enough of them."
“Everything
is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.”
"People
who fly into a rage always make a bad landing."
"Even
if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"Everything
is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a
joke."
“It
isn’t what we know that gives us trouble; it’s what we know that ain’t so.”
"A
fool and his money are soon elected.”
“Politics
has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money to be defeated.”
"Americans
will feed anyone that's not close to them."
"Our
foreign policy is an open book—a checkbook."
"I
belong to no organized party. I'm a Democrat."
“Democrats
never agree on anything, that’s why they’re Democrats. If they agreed with each
other, they would be Republicans.
"The
income tax has made more liars out of Americans than golf.”
"Everybody
says this here thing we're involved in ain't a real war. Congress says it ain't
a war. The President says it ain't a war. 'Course the guys over here getting
shot at say it's the best damned imitation they ever saw."
"One
sure certainty about our Memorial Days is that as fast as the ranks from one
war thin out, the ranks from another take their place. Prominent men may run
out of Decoration Day speeches, but the world never runs out of wars. People
talk peace, but men give up their life's work to war.”
"If
stupidity got us in this mess, why can't it get us out?"
“When I die, my epitaph, or whatever you call those signs on
gravestones, is going to read: ‘I joked about every prominent man of my time,
but I never met a man I dident like.’ I am so proud of that, I can hardly wait
to die so it can be carved.” (Note: ‘dident’ was a Rogers’s colloquialism.)
Betty Kaiser’s Chatterbox is about people,
places, family, and other matters of the heart.
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