Thursday, October 23, 2014

Questions for a rainy day

9/17/14 Chatterbox
Betty Kaiser

After a long hot summer of company, cooking, canning and unending yard work, I’m beat— bone weary and brain dead. Maybe you are too. So it’s time to share a column of emails to help us all smile, relax a little and enjoy the coming rain.

The first group of thoughts I filed under “Why?” No answers just head-scratching questions. In fact, I ask myself the first question every time I drive I5 between Cottage Grove and Eugene. After that, the thoughts range from the ridiculous to the sublime.

Why do cars on the freeway rush up to your bumper at 75 mph, go around you and then slow down to 55 mph?

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? 

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

Ever Wonder Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? 

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'? 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?  Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? (Well, I understand that completely!)

Now we come to a challenging quiz from my sister-in-law. She says, “Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send this email to at least one genius challenged person. And don’t send it back to me, I’ve already flunked it once!”

This Genius Quiz is supposedly for people who know everything. There are only nine questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. There are no trick questions but I found a few to be deceptively difficult.

I suggest that you take the quiz, let me know how you do and then file it away under “Questions to ask any know-it-alls in your friends or family.” No peeking allowed! Answers are at the bottom. Here we go:

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on

their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in Standard English begin with the letters ' DW' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on

your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Answers To Genius Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the


6. Three English words beginning with DW: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

So there you have it, folks, your points to ponder for the day. By the way, I tried putting on mascara with my mouth closed. It is possible but I had to continually remind myself to close my mouth. Enough said. Have a good week!

Betty Kaiser’s Chatterbox is about people, places, family, and other matters of the heart.

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